Twelve years ago, I was a happily married, middle-aged man with a good job and three wonderful children. But something was wrong. I had convinced myself that I had been born into the wrong sex.
After years of crushing anxiety and even moments of physical self-harming caused by this understanding, I transitioned in 2012 and underwent gender reassignment surgery four years later.
But I only did this after a series of challenging, sometimes painful – yet ultimately rewarding sessions with a qualified psychotherapist. She did not deny my feelings. Rather, she insisted that we should explore every possible avenue before I resorted to an irreversible chemical and biological change.
Although I went ahead with my transition, my conversations with this professional were invaluable. Whenever I have doubts about my decision, I can remind myself that I did everything possible to ensure it was the only way to relieve the pain and distress I felt as a man. This is why Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is wrong to ban so-called ‘conversion therapy’, as he is expected to do in a draft Bill in the King’s Speech.
Last month, a government source said the putative ban was ‘dead in the water’, after a raft of groups raised concerns about it. But now, should the Bill become law, it will become a criminal offence to influence someone’s sexual orientation or gender.
On the face of it, it sounds reasonable. But the truth is that the Bill is a Trojan Horse, and the radical gender ideologues championing it know as much. It goes without saying: nobody wants to see gay people bullied or brainwashed into being ‘straight’.
When, in 2018, Theresa May first mooted this legislation, her government said it wanted to end ‘abhorrent conversion practices’ including ‘gay cures’. These ranged from ‘pseudo-psychological treatments’ to surgery and even ‘corrective rape’.
Yet a number of Tory MPs voiced well-founded concerns about ‘unintended consequences’ – specifically relating to people with gender dysphoria. They worried the legislation could effectively criminalise parents, teachers, therapists and others who question a confused child’s apparent wish to transition.
If Rishi goes ahead with this ban, and a close male friend, knowing my background, were to confide in me that he too was questioning his gender, I could be legally forbidden from gently suggesting he examine his feelings. Doing so might make me a criminal.
People with gender dysphoria are vulnerable: they deserve support and to be questioned and guided through their feelings. A world where individuals’ concerns about gender dysphoria go unchecked could be one in which people – perhaps unhappy for reasons other than their gender – do not get the help they need and many take radical action they later regret. It’s too easy to make a mistake, and I’ve met too many people who regret transitioning.
I am a secondary-school teacher: young people are constantly exposed to idealised, Photoshopped images of perfect bodies. No wonder so many are deeply unhappy with their appearance.
And when trans activists such as those in Stonewall or Mermaids offer an explanation for this unhappiness, who can blame such malleable minds for falling for their propaganda? We need sensible adult voices who can talk them through their struggles.
So why is Rishi Sunak pushing this through now? I can’t believe it’s down to principle on his part. When he became Prime Minister, he appeared willing to stand up to the dogmatic trans-rights lobby. Yet now, under political pressure, he seems to have had a change of heart.
A healthy nation is one in which feelings and opinions are challenged: that’s why we have opposition parties in Parliament. Well, this ban would close the door on debate regarding gender – and I feel sick to think of the damage it will do.
If Sunak really cares about vulnerable people, he will ditch the ban immediately. The question is, does he care more about political expediency, or helping the people his office was designed to serve?
By Debbie Hayton for the Daily Mail on Friday 20 October 2023
Debbie Hayton is a teacher and journalist.
* This article was first published by Mail Online on 19 October 2023: I transitioned in 2012 and underwent surgery four years later… I have met far too many people who regret it. Therapy is crucial.
* It was then published by Mail+ on 20 October 2023: Therapy is crucial. I’ve met far too many people who regret transitioning.
Debbie Hayton 
3 replies on “Therapy is crucial. I’ve met far too many people who regret transitioning”
But if it is really true that “should the Bill become law, it will become a criminal offence to influence someone’s sexual orientation or gender” then Stonewall and Mermaids would also be forbidden from influencing them. In fact, even affirmation would be forbidden. Everyone would have to keep silent and never mention it at all. How weird would that be? So I suspect that the actual wording is much worse than that.
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YouTube is full of detransitioners who bemoan the fact that no one tried to talk some sense into them. As I keep saying, to find out whether you are homosexual, all you have to do is to have sex with a member of your own gender. But to find out whether you are transgender requires a long period of medicalization. Too many kids are transitioning thinking that it will be a cure-all for their problems, when all it does is to add a layer of problems to the problems they already have. Girls in particular seem to dislike the changes to their bodies during puberty. They see that the boys are not experiencing those changes, and they think it would be easier to be a boy. They don’t realize that as amazing as modern science is, changing the gender of a body isn’t really possible. By the time they figure out that they have made a mistake, they speak like a man and will never get their high voices back, and they may have facial hair that won’t stop growing, and they may be infertile.
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Thankfully, the item was dropped from the King’s Speech. It seems, on the whole, this Government is resisting wokeness very well (unfortunately, it errs disgustingly too often in the opposite direction, as when Suella Braverman suggests living in a tent on the streets as a homeless person is a “lifestyle choice” and should be banned, etc., etc., etc.). In April 2022, they announced that the conversion-therapy ban would include sexual orientation, but not gender identity, again demonstrating they have a handle on at least some aspects of reality. This was met with the usual outrage from the usual quarters, including the “LGBT+ Conservatives” (which is a strange oxymoron, but there you go), and I imagine the Government has decided the best course of action is not to act at all. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-60947028
If general laws on abuse and coercion don’t cover these things, what we need is a ban on conversion therapy from gay to straight, and on conversion therapy from “cis” to “trans”, which has been blatantly going on for a decade or more.
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