First names and pronouns – how should we refer to transgender people?

Transgender ideology has imposed itself on society, but at what cost? A return to common sense cannot come soon enough.

This piece was originally published in French on 12 February 2025.

Transgender ideology – the idea that we all have a gender identity that is somehow more important than our biological sex – has been extraordinarily successful in recent years. Politicians, policy makers, journalists and even judges have caved into the demands of activists who claim that being a woman or a man is purely a matter of self-declaration.

The consequences are serious. Last year in England, a male rapist was called “she” and by the name “Lexi” by the judge and lawyers throughout his trial. The fact that Alexander Secker – to use his male name – was living as a man at the time of the offence was overlooked. That was not an isolated incident. Too often, the feelings of violent male offenders have been put before the feelings of their victims.

Thankfully, things are changing.  Judges in England have now been warned that it is “extremely inappropriate” to refer to male rapists who say that they identify as women by their preferred pronouns. Rape is a crime that can only be committed by one sex – certainly as the law is set out in England. Calling a rapist – or even an alleged rapist, “she” makes a mockery of the proceedings.

Instead, judges have been instructed to use the defendant’s name. But that is not a perfect solution. Many names imply one sex or the other, and most people in Britain would assume that “Lexi” referred to a woman, unless there was strong evidence to the contrary. This is of course an extreme example, but how should we refer to trans people in general? The debate is sometimes brutal.

Those who believe in gender identity – and the idea that we all have some internal gendered soul – are likely to claim that self-declaration is all that matters. To them, If a man declares himself to be a woman then everybody else needs to go along with it, even if he keeps both his genitals and his beard.

On the other hand, the group sometimes known as “gender critical” claim that biological sex is all that matters and might refuse to use any pronouns, and perhaps even names, that imply someone is the opposite sex to their biology. That position is easier to hold on-line where we can all make our own decisions about which social media accounts belong to men, and which belong to women. In real life it can be much harder when transgender people can change their bodies to give the impression of the opposite sex.

What both sides in the debate overlook is the perception of sex. We can all tell the difference between men and women – it is an evolved instinct that we share with other species. In real life that matters. It is hard to refer to anyone as the opposite sex to the sex that we perceive them to be. There is still the pressure  to “be kind” – we have perhaps also evolved  an instinct to avoid unnecessary conflict with those around us – so many people will refer to trans people using their preferred names and pronouns.

However, taking ourselves back to the online world – and this is something that evolution did not prepare us for – what names and pronouns should journalists and commentators use for transgender people? The underlying principle, I think, is that pieces and commentary should make sense. To use myself as an example, it would be odd for male pronouns and my previous name to be used when discussing my life as it is now. Most people use female pronouns to describe me, and they call me Debbie. I did change my legal name to Deborah so my preferred diminutive is factually correct. But what should they do when referring to my early life? I was never a girl – I transitioned at age 44 – so it would be a nonsense to refer to me as she, or use my current name. I was known to everyone by the pronoun he and the name David.

These are the same principles that journalists might apply to anyone who has changed their name, perhaps through marriage or a change of religion. The singer Yusuf Islam was previously known as Cat Stevens, for example, and it makes sense to refer to him as Cat Stevens when talking about his early work, before he converted to Islam. Yusuf himself doesn’t seem to mind. Indeed, he goes by Yusuf / Cat Stevens on X.

But the gender identity brigade has different ideas. Not only is gender identity that internal gendered soul, transgender ideology has spawned a quasi-religious belief system. In their world view, “misgendering” and “deadnaming” is a cardinal sin. In my own work as a journalist I simply avoid using pronouns. I’ve no wish to upset anyone, but at the same time I need to report accurately. But where names are concerned, another principle emerges – the principle of least surprise, and that is more important than contriving situations that everyone knows is nonsense. So I would be expected to be called Debbie in the context of current events, and David for earlier periods in my life – along with the pronoun “he”.

Other transgender people might be able to feel more confident in life if they took that attitude. Relying on other people to abandon common sense, and deny the evidence of their own eyes is no way to live.

The group I have not yet discussed are those who identify as non-binary. There, bigger contradictions emerge when common sense meets the claims of individuals to identify as they please. That evolved instinct we share with other animals only recognises two sexes. From the dawn of time we have needed to respond to other people with a binary approach to sex. Whether it is for reproduction, or simply to gauge who might pose a potential threat, there is no room for any additional sexes. Yes, we might try to humour non-binary people but everyone has a sex and it is male or female. We not only know it, we feel it and attempts to deny that truth will inevitably fail.

A return to common sense would benefit everyone in this debate, but it would be a brave person to suggest it.

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By Debbie Hayton

Debbie Hayton is a teacher and journalist.

Her book, Transsexual Apostate – My Journey Back to Reality is published by Forum

* This article was first published in French by Le Point on 12 February 2025: Prénoms, pronoms : comment faut-il désigner les personnes transgenres ?