This is a different kind of writing to my normal output. It’s neither political nor philosophical. I wrote it as a piece of fiction to amuse some friends at Christmas. The style is an Elizabethan play (or as best as I could manage the style).
To Kerry and Francis
Contents
- Author’s Note
- List of Characters
- Set Notes
- Introduction
- Act I
- Act II
- Act III
- Act IV
- Act V
- Acknowledgements
- Endnotes
Author’s Note
This play is a work of fiction. All the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
List of Characters
The Manor of Lady Isabella
- Lady Isabella Stafford
- Margaret – Chief Stewardess
- Alicia – Assistant Stewardess
At the House of King Edward
- Sir Jasper Willoughby – Master of the House
- Miss Bridget Kettle – Mistress i/c infant children
- Agnes – maidservant (to Miss Bridget)
- Elizabeth – maidservant
- William – manservant
At the House of Beelzebub
- Sir Ralph Percy – Master of the House
- Dickon – manservant
- Robin – manservant
Other characters
- Sir Edmund de Vere – Former Master of the House of King Edward, now gentleman of leisure.
- Playwright (male)
- Counsel (female) – instructed by the Servants’ Guild
Further Characters who are mentioned but do not appear:
The Manor of Lady Isabella
- Lady Isabella’s associate – a confidante with a loose tongue
The Manor of Lord Dudley
- Lord Dudley
- Sir Hugh Montfort – former Master
Set Notes
The Play is set in an Elizabethan manor, though it draws on contemporary issues. It is a comedy that explores the relationships between people, and considers the division of power, responsibility and expertise between characters of differing social status.
Two Schools, or ‘Houses’ are associated with the manor, the House of King Edward (King Edward’s House, or occasionally Ed’s) and the House of Beelzebub (sometimes ’Zebub). King Edward’s takes pride in a reputation for being righteous and just. Beelzebub, by contrast, is self-serving and rather sinister.
The scenes are in five locations:
- Lady Isabella’s Manor House
- The Drawing Room
- The Council Chamber
- The Tower’s Summit
The manor was once well furnished, but now looks worn and tired. Money has been short for some time, and the entire manor house is in want of repair.
- The House of King Edward
- King Edward’s Servant Quarters
- King Edward’s Garden
Like the rest of the House, the staff facilities have seen better days, and the simple furniture is worn out. Another scene is in the garden, which is similarly in need of care and attention.
- The House of Beelzebub
- Beelzebub Servant Quarters
- Beelzebub Great Hall
- Beelzebub Master’s Office
This house looks after itself. Money has been spent on the buildings and the furnishings.
- Sir Edmund’s Country House
The house of a gentleman, who has retired on a good pension.
- The Park
A suitable location for a clandestine meeting.
Introduction
The play unfolds within the disordered and chaotic manor of the noble Lady Isabella Stafford. Her livelihood derives from the tutelage of the offspring of local lords and ladies. These young charges are apportioned to two distinct houses: the virtuous House of King Edward and the nefarious House of Beelzebub.
The days of prosperity have waned. Years of neglect have weakened the manor’s foundations, and lately a new plague has afflicted the land. The coffers are bare, and the money lenders are clamouring for repayment. Lady Isabella, desperate, seeks a solution to her dire predicament.
Act I
Scene I: The Drawing Room
[Enter Lady Isabella and Margaret]
Lady Isabella
Alas, my heart! A direful plight doth face us.
The usurers, those harpies, do demand
Ten thousand ducats, else our lands they’ll seize
By Friday next, nay more. A cunning scheme
To pay the rest, they do require of us.
Margaret, my stewardess, ’twas thou who signed
The fateful deed. Explain this treachery!
Margaret
Madam, there was no choice, I swear. The plague[1], a monstrous scourge,
Confined the noble children to their homes.
Their families, gripped by fear, refused to pay
The fees we’d earned, our rightful recompense.
Lady Isabella
Did we not teach our pupils from afar,
Our servants shouting lessons into the street?
Our learned masters, Ralph and Jasper, swore
That every knave, even William the vile,
Did heed their words, though distant was the sound.
Margaret
I fear Sir Jasper doth not truly rule
His house of rogues. A guild[2], they say, doth stir,
And servant William leads a mutinous band of knaves.
Lady Isabella
A foolish choice, to trust that pompous fool.
But what recourse did we have? All demanded gold,
While Jasper craved but peanuts, small and round.
Margaret
Our store of peanuts, too, doth dwindle fast.
The kitchen’s larder grows bare, day by day.
Lady Isabella
Enough! We need a stratagem, a trick,
A cunning plan to save us from despair.
Send for Alicia, quick! She’s sly and shrewd,
A woman wise in the ways of human hearts.
[Enter Alicia]
Alicia
Madam, you summoned me. I humbly wait
To hear your bidding and obey your will.
Lady Isabella
Our lands are doomed, our future bleak and dire.
What hope remains? How can we save the manor?
Alicia
A bold solution, Madam, I propose.
Close down the House of King Edward, that old pile,
And sell its lands. They border on the road
To London town, a prize for wealthy folk.
A grand new inn, or houses for the rich,
Could fetch a fortune, millions, mark my words.
Lady Isabella
You jest, I think. That land has been our own
Since Edward’s time. It cannot be for sale.
Alicia
The House of Beelzebub, grand it might look
But pennies it will fetch. Sell the Edward land,
Redeem the mortgage and move all the young to ’Zebub.
Much reduced your costs will be.
Lady Isabella
That pretentious edifice, with steps so steep,
Cannot accommodate our littlest babes.
When alarms didst sound, those tender innocents,
Did tumble down the stairs in direful plight,
A sight to curdle blood and freeze the soul.
Three times they fell, those hapless little ones,
Their wails of anguish echoing through the town.
Margaret
My cousin, the builder, can lend a hand.
Though slow his pace, his prices are quite fair.
’Tis true he promises much, but delivers late,
Yet for our needs, he’ll surely do the trick.
Lady Isabella
A desperate measure, but it seems our only hope.
Let him repair the damage he has done.
Now, summon both the masters, Ralph and Jasper,
To council with us. We must buy some time.
Ralph is a cunning fox, a master of deceit.
Jasper, a fool, yet desperate, like ourselves.
[Exeunt]
Scene II: The Council Chamber
[Enter Sir Ralph and Sir Jasper]
Sir Jasper
What brings us here, Sir Ralph? Can you guess?
A summons from the Lady, urgent, stern.
Sir Ralph
’Tis a mystery indeed, Jasper. I cannot say.
She bade us come alone, a curious thing.
Sir Jasper
How exciting!
Sir Ralph
How fares the House of King Edward, pray?
I hear your pupils failed once more this year.
While mine at Beelzebub again did triumph, it seems.
Sir Jasper
We prize our honour, and our honest ways.
We do not falsify, nor fudge the score.
Sir Ralph
A noble aim, but foolish in this world.
You must play your cards, or you will surely lose.
[A flute plays softly in the wing]
Sir Ralph
What is that noise, a most infernal racket?
Sir Jasper
That must be Miss Bridget. Few infants remain
In King Edward’s House to claim her care.
So, I invited her to join our company,
To play her flute and soothe our weary souls.
[Enter Miss Bridget]
Miss Bridget
Good day, Sir Ralph, and to you, Sir Jasper.
Sir Ralph
A welcome silence now the music’s ceased.
[Enter Lady Isabella]
Lady Isabella
Good day, esteemed colleagues.
Miss Bridget, you may depart forthwith.
[Exit Miss Bridget]
Lady Isabella
A secret I must share, a weighty task.
The Houses of King Edward and Beelzebub,
Shall merge as one, a powerful new force.
We’ll cull the best from both, a wondrous blend,
A new union forged to elevate our young.
The best of both, combined, a noble aim.
Sir Jasper
’Tis most startling news, my Lady. King Edward’s House
Submits itself to your enlightened will.
Sir Ralph
And what reward for Beelzebub, I pray?
Lady Isabella
Patience, Sir Ralph. There is more to hear.
One house must go, a sacrifice is needed.
The other, expanded, will house all our young.
But time we need, to build and to prepare.
A temporary measure, swift and sure,
Is needed now to bridge this troubled time.
The older children, to one house confined,
The younger ones, to the other, safely kept.
Sir Ralph
Why such haste, and why such secrecy?
Lady Isabella
The money lenders, those relentless fiends,
Demand immediate payment, or we’re doomed.
The servants must not know, especially the guild,
Led by that villain, William, and his cronies,
Elizabeth and Agnes, troublemakers all.
Sir Jasper
Elizabeth and Agnes are decent souls,
Though William is an agitator, ’tis true.
How fare the guild’s leaders at ’Zeebub?
Sir Ralph, what sayest thou?
Sir Ralph
My prudent plan has tamed the guild
With gentle bribes and promises of power.
A wise approach. Thou too should keep a watchful eye.
Lady Isabella
With a cunning plan, the lenders will extend
A lifeline, time to rebuild and restore.
But which great house shall we sacrifice,
Beelzebub or Edward’s? A weighty choice.
Sir Ralph
Madam, your wisdom shines, a beacon bright.
I run my house well, as all folk can see,
You must preserve Beelzebub, our noble house.
Our pupils there excel, their minds ignite.
One course remains, the only sensible choice:
We must dispose of King Edward’s, without delay.
Sir Jasper
To sell King Edward’s would be a grievous sin.
Its history, so rich, its location, prime.
From distant shires, King Ed’s children traverse,
By stagecoach they arrive, with eager hearts.
As Miss Bridget could surely testify.
Sir Ralph
Your wisdom, friend, surpasses mortal ken.
Let Bridget speak, her judgement pure and bright.
Lady Isabella
If you insist, dear sirs. Miss Bridget, return,
We need your wisdom, sharp and keen.
[Re-enter Miss Bridget]
Lady Isabella
A riddle, Bridget. Which great house, I ask,
Would sacrifice itself, its noble past,
To aid its friends, to put others first?
Miss Bridget
A simple riddle, Lady. King Edward’s House,
A beacon of compassion, selfless, true.
Lady Isabella
Most wisely thou spake, now, leave us be.
[Exit Miss Bridget]
Lady Isabella
The verdict’s rendered, sealed and set in stone.
King Edward’s House, a relic of the past,
Shall cease to be, come next fall’s chilling breath.
Yet, let this secret lie, concealed from sight,
From servants’ ears, until the time is right.
Margaret and Alicia, cunning minds,
Have hatched a plan, a web of deceit.
But we must vanish, leave no trace behind,
Denying all, should fortune turn unkind.
[Exeunt Sir Jasper, Sir Ralph, and Lady Isabella]
[Enter Margaret, Alicia, and a Playwright – from the other wing]
Margaret
Welcome, good sir. We thank thee for your time.
A secret task, a delicate affair,
Requires your skill, your talent, and your art.
Playwright
What secrets do you hide, my lady?
Miss Alicia, a sphinx of mystery,
Refused to speak of them ’til this very hour.
Alicia
That, I did. This must remain top secret until the day
We broadcast the news from the tower, loud and clear.
Playwright
Your notions I need and your secrets I can keep
But a thousand more, a steep and heavy cost,
If I cannot seek the tavern’s noisy throng
For inspiration, for a clever phrase.
Margaret
That must you not, at any cost, allow.
The servants drink within that very inn,
And none must learn of this clandestine plot.
Playwright
Proceed, then. Unveil your secret plan.
Alicia
King Edward’s House, a relic of the past,
Must close its doors, its land, a prize to sell.
The profits gained will pay the usurer’s debt,
And perhaps repair Beelzebub’s crumbling walls.
Playwright
Go on.
Margaret
But this dark secret must remain concealed.
The servants, led by that rebellious knave,
William, would rise in anger, should they learn
Of this deceit. We must concoct a tale,
A false facade, a cover for our scheme.
Playwright
Two thousand ducats, a hefty fee indeed,
To weave a web of lies, a tangled plot.
But for three thousand, if you reveal your tale,
I will teach you how to spin it to your gain.
Alicia
We’ll claim that funds are low, a desperate plight,
And merge the houses, a necessity.
The elder students, to Beelzebub will go,
The younger ones, to Edward’s kinder halls.
Playwright
How will this save money?
A puzzling plight. Two houses merged, yet two remain.
Costs will surely rise. A mystery, a riddle, hard to solve.
Margaret
It saves no coin, a truth that’s plain to see,
But the foolish servants will swallow it, gullible and blind.
Playwright
A daunting task, to fool the servant class,
Uneducated, yet with cunning minds.
With skill and craft, I might deceive them all,
Even Elizabeth, Agnes, and that rogue, William.
But such deceit will cost you dearly, more.
Margaret
Do it then. Three parts, a twisted, tangled tale,
Proclaimed from the tower, a spectacle to see.
The cost, a fortune, but the goal, achieved.
Playwright
Why from the tower?
Alicia
The plague persists, a lingering threat,
The servants scattered, distant and apart:
Six feet apart, a rule to strictly keep,
A gathering forbidden, a dangerous sight.
So from the tower, we’ll proclaim our plan,
A distant voice, a message to the masses.
Playwright
In the tavern last night, your servants gathered
Much closer than six feet or even two yards.
Tales of uprisings and e’en revolution thronged the air.
William himself, a ringleader of strife,
Did preach of statutes, and of workers’ rights.
A dangerous game, a risky, foolish ploy,
To challenge power and defy the law.
Margaret
A blustering fool, that William, hot air and sound.
Fear not his threats, his bark is worse than bite.
But the plague still lingers, so from the tower it must be.
Playwright
Who shall read the words, a weighty choice?
You two, and one more? A noble voice, perhaps.
Alicia
Nay, Margaret and I, mere servants, we,
Cannot bear such weight, such solemn news.
Sir Ralph, Sir Jasper, and the Lady Isabella fair,
Must speak these words, with dignity and care.
Playwright
And Bridget, too, with flute and gentle voice,
Could add her words perchance?
Margaret
You know the houses well, a keen observer.
But Bridget’s words, no need,
Though her sweet music, a fitting start, indeed.
Playwright
Agreed, the task is for five thousand gold.
The scripts, completed, by Thursday’s morn.
[Exeunt]
Scene III: The Tower’s Summit
[Enter Lady Isabella, Margaret, Sir Ralph, Sir Jasper and Miss Bridget]
Lady Isabella
A princely sum, forsooth, a king’s ransom,
To pen such pompous, lofty, empty words.
A fool and his money, they say, soon part,
And we, it seems, are fools of the first degree.
Margaret
Nay my lady, these speeches were a steal, a lucky find!
The playwright swore secrecy, a solemn vow.
Read but the lines, and let the servants cheer,
Deceived and flattered, grateful for our care.
Miss Bridget
But what for them? A cruel and bitter fate,
Some to lose their posts, at meagre recompense.
The city’s common houses[3], even the humblest,
Offer more, a kinder, fairer deal.
Margaret
Enough! Rejoice, that for now you’ve escaped the axe,
A lucky break, a fortunate reprieve.
Now, play your flute, and follow me below.
[Exit Margaret]
[Miss Bridget plays a few bars on her flute]
[Exit Miss Bridget]
Lady Isabella [Reading from a script]
Hark! Hear ye, hear ye! A proclamation grand,
A joyous tidings for all the land!
A gift divine, a miracle untold,
A holy child, pure as the finest gold.
A newborn hope, a reason to rejoice.
Sir Ralph [Interrupting]
Nay, nay, my lady! That script’s the Christmas tale,
The children told in Beelzebub’s House this winter past.
Lady Isabella
Pray, pardon us, a moment’s interruption,
A minor hiccup, a slight distraction.
But fear not, friends, for tidings I do bear,
Most joyful news, you can be sure.
Sir Ralph
Hearken, servants all! A message from above.
Our Lady Isabella, wise and fair,
Will speak her mind, dispel the darkest doubt.
And a message hopeful, we will recall.
Lady Isabella [Reading from a script]
A change is coming, a new dawn is nigh,
Our houses shalt merge, ’neath a single sky.
Though old traditions fade, new ones arise,
A brighter future, beneath clearer skies.
Sir Ralph [Reading from a script]
My Beelzebub servants, fear not, doubt no more,
Our past success, a promise evermore.
A brighter future, a prosperous sight,
A legacy secured, a shining light.
Sir Jasper [Reading from a script]
Let not your hearts be filled with dread or fear,
A grand new house, a vision crystal-clear.
The best of both, a fusion, strong and bold,
A legacy united, stories yet untold.
Lady Isabella [Reading from a script]
Henceforth, our youngsters, small and sweet,
Shall learn and grow, at King Edward’s most replete.
With booster cushions, comfy and bright,
They’ll tackle big desks, with all their might.
Sir Ralph [Reading from a script]
Our senior scholars, wise and keen,
Shall thrive at Beelzebub, a noble scene.
For loyal servants, a chance to stay,
A future assured, a brighter day.
Lady Isabella [Reading from a script]
We understand, some hearts may feel forlorn,
For them, a change of course, a different morn.
From us, a generous package, a farewell gift,
A parting gesture, a kindly lift.
Your guild’s informed, the details laid bare,
Consult their wisdom, beyond our care.
Now, pressing matters, demand our sight,
Good night, good luck, farewell, adieu, good night.
[Exeunt]
Scene IV: Sir Edmund’s Country House
[Enter Sir Edmund]
Sir Edmund
A blight upon my name, a cruel, dark day,
Ten years I served, with honour, night and day.
King Edward’s House I’d found in ruin, a faded gleam,
A legacy forsaken, a shattered dream.
I cleansed great scandal, restored its noble might,
To a beacon of learning, a guiding, shining light.
From distant lands, noble parents sought our door,
Our pupils flourished, forevermore.
New rooms I added, a testament to our fame,
Proof of growth, a noble aim.
But now, neglected, a crumbling, sorry sight,
A haunting reminder of a lost, bright light.
A reckless plan, a foolish, hasty choice,
To fill Ed’s hallowed halls with childish noise.
A travesty, a blight upon our name,
A future dimmed, a flickering flame.
I shall not stand idly by, a silent, helpless soul,
I’ll rouse the masses, reclaim King Edward’s rightful role.
With cunning plots and well-timed, pointed words,
I’ll thwart Isabella’s plans, a just reward.
[Exit]
Act II
Scene I: King Edward’s Servant Quarters
[Enter William, Elizabeth and Agnes]
William
A monstrous deed, a vile and wicked act!
Isabella, the tyrant, seeks to merge
Our noble houses, without a word,
A stealthy strike, a treacherous surprise.
Our guild, esteemed and honoured, is enraged,
No parley sought, no counsel did she demand.
A righteous fury burns within our hearts.
This is a scandal, a disgrace, a blight
Upon our names, our honour, and our pride.
Elizabeth
Alas, my friends, Lady Isabella’s power is vast,
Her legal right, a truth we must concede.
Our solemn pact[4], though grandly worded,
Confines the guild to a narrow contract.
The annual wage, the sole concern it holds.
All else can happen without our say.
Her ladyship’s will, unchecked and uncontrolled,
Hath plunged us servants into darkest despair.
Agnes.
Each year we plead, with voices loud and clear,
For wages lost, a just and rightful claim.
She offers scraps, a paltry, meagre sum,
A cruel affront to our dignity.
We counter with a firm and steadfast ‘no,’
But she retorts, ‘Take it or leave it, ye all.’
Our members grumble, discontent and pained,
Yet fear to act, to challenge her decree.
We mask our failure with deceptive words,
A twisted dance of language, false and vain.
But empty phrases cannot fill their bellies,
Nor clothe their children, shivering in the cold.
Elizabeth
A dire predicament, a desperate plight.
Servants in the common houses, as low as can be,
Are paid more handsomely than we.
Their labour ends, when duty’s call is done,
A respite earned, a well-deserved reward.
While we, who mind the noble’s offspring,
Are bound by endless tasks, a ceaseless toil.
When I roam the lands[5], a weary pilgrim’s path,
Witnessing the plight of servants everywhere.
In houses dark, where desperation reigns,
I kindle fires of discontent, a spark
That ignites rebellion, a defiant cry.
Even beneath the King’s oppressive law,
A chance remains for freedom and for hope.
William
The law, a tyrant, stifles all our dreams,
A heavy yoke, a burdensome decree.
Elizabeth
Forsooth! A noble plan, though fraught with peril.
Yet, let us sound the guild, both here
In Edward’s realm and Beelzebub’s domain.
A simple ‘yea’ or ‘nay’ shall seal our fate,
And if but four in ten desire revolt,
We’ll muster at the gates with banners high,
And drums that shake the very heavens’ floor!”
Agnes
A ballot, a mere formality, it seems,
A tick in a box, a number on a sheet.
Elizabeth
Alas, the law thwarts still, a bitter truth.
No longer can a whistle’s shrill command
Summon our folk from labour’s weary yoke.
Now formal ballots, tedious and slow,
Must first be sent to every distant hearth,
A cumbersome task, a bureaucratic plight.
William
A dire predicament, a sorry state,
Our weary members, lost in endless toil,
Forgetful of their hearths, their families’ plight.
And our brothers in the postal guild,
Might likewise protest their misery and hinder our intent.
A perilous path, a tangled web we weave,
With every step, new dangers may reveal.
Agnes
We must act, my friends, with courage and with might.
Our members rage, their anger knows no bounds.
They see the hand of Margaret and Alicia,
A pair of schemers, plotting mischief’s game.
We cannot let this outrage go unheeded,
A chance to strike, to seize the moment’s power.
William
A senseless scheme, a foolish, wasteful plan,
To merge two houses, yet preserve them both.
No cost reduction, no efficiency gained,
A futile effort, a misguided aim.
To truly save, one house must be relinquished,
Sold to the highest bidder, gone forevermore.
Elizabeth
Yesterday’s curious mystery that would explain.
A stranger’s presence, cloaked in secrecy.
With measuring tools and notebook in his hand,
Silently he moved as King Edward’s he did survey.
But a vigilant guard, a member of the guild him did espy.
William
But our guild’s agreement, a sacred, solemn vow,
Limits our duties to our contracts and no more.
The garden’s guarding, a task extraneous,
Beyond the bounds of our negotiated deal.
Elizabeth
The garden’s guardian, heedless of the pact,
They spoke with the surveyor, a cunning knave,
Sent to value the site, a sinister affair.
Agnes
Forsooth! A most surprising turn of events,
’Tis a shocking revelation, thou sharest.
Such treachery, such duplicity,
A grievous wrong, a most appalling scene!
William
A plot to sell, a scheme both dark and deep.
This house, a treasure, a valuable prize,
With stagecoaches passing, a lucrative site.
Kitchens and chambers, and a pond[6] of crystal clear,
A perfect setting for an inn, I’d say.
The land, a fortune, if sold to the right hand.
Elizabeth
Enough methinks to quell the money lenders’ tune.
Agnes
And no doubt, to lavish new gifts on Margaret and Alicia,
With extra wages for Sir Jasper and Sir Ralph.
Perhaps if money still remains, a new flute for Bridget?
There’ll be none for us, so mark my words.
William
We suffer a meagre pittance, a cruel, unjust fate,
Or redundancy, sealed by hate.
Arise, my comrades, let us rise in might,
And claim our future, bathed in righteous light.
A revolt, a revolution, bold and free,
To shatter the chains of tyranny!
[Exeunt]
Scene II: The Drawing Room
[Enter Lady Isabella, Margaret and Alicia]
Lady Isabella
What tidings come from King Edwards and ’Zebub?
Are the servants content, or do they stir and plot?
Margaret
Sir Ralph hath told me, all is quiet still
Within the House of Beelzebub’s domain.
His servants, ’tis said, are putty in his hand,
And aid him gladly in his wicked scheme.
A rumour doth spread, a vile and false report,
That Edward’s House is marked for greedy sale.
Sir Ralph doth naught to quell this wicked lie,
And servants smirk, their hearts with malice filled.
Alicia
My Lady fair, I hold a weighty proof
That Sir Ralph himself hath spawned this wicked tale.
Shall I command a search, a thorough probe,
To root out treachery and bring him low?
Lady Isabella
’Tis folly to pursue such a thorny path.
Our tasks are weighty, pressing, urgent needs.
To chase a rumour, wild and unsubstantiated,
Is but to squander time, a precious gift.
And where would such a quest for truth now lead?
A tangled web, a labyrinth of doubt.
Nay, let us turn our gaze to Edward’s House,
A matter far more pressing, far more real.
Margaret
’Tis said that William, Agnes, and Elizabeth,
Meddle beyond their station, bold and proud.
Elizabeth, they say, doth roam the land,
Inspiring servants, urging them to rise,
To form a guild, a union of the low,
And plot a revolt, a dangerous game.
A threat to order, a rebellion’s seed.
Alicia
Worry thou not. Our servants, bound by fear and need,
Will never rise against our lawful rule.
A paltry sum, a token of our grace,
A measly pittance will keep them in line.
Last year, a mere one percent,
And half of that the year before, sufficed
To quell their discontent, to soothe their souls.
Lady Isabella
Would be wise to doubt, for shadows lurk unseen,
The servants’ loyalty, uncertain and unclear.
King Edward’s house, a ticking time bomb,
As rumours spread, a gathering storm.
Pray tell, what tidings hath Sir Jasper sent?
Alicia
Sir Jasper is blind to peril’s creeping hand,
But a chosen vessel was he for my dark design.
I sought a fool, a puppet to command,
A willing tool to serve this noble goal,
To close King Edward’s House, without question or dissent.
Lady Isabella
And Miss Bridget?
Alicia
A new flute for Miss Bridget, I humbly suggest.
Lady Isabella
For better or for worse, proceed we must.
The lenders press, demanding ten thousand gold,
Their threats grow louder, menacing and bold.
With five thousand, I’ll attempt to stall,
A desperate gambit, a delaying call.
Alicia
Five thousand ducats, prithee, say’st thou so?
Alas my lady, the playwright knave,
He knew our coffers low and demanded his coin
Fleeced us bare, he did.
Lady Isabella
A crisis looms, a challenge to our might,
A council let us call, all shall convene,
Sir Ralph and Jasper, noble knights, attend,
Even fair Miss Bridget, so desperate are we.
Alicia
The guild’s own voice, their chosen representatives,
Must join our council, come what may, come ill or good.
The law demands their presence in our midst,
Should we, forsooth, contemplate such dire decree
As laying off our workers, casting them aside.
Lady Isabella
William included? Such a terrible thing!
Alicia
But Elizabeth and Agnes also, a more tempered pair,
Whose counsel may yet prove sound, their minds more clear.
While at ’Zebub, Sir Ralph’s influence is a powerful force,
The guild within his house, we need not fear.
Margaret
Alas Sir Jasper lacks the needed art,
A challenge to overcome, with all our might.
Lady, I wish you good luck at your great gath’ring of the wise.
Lady Isabella
Luck I need not, for you and Alicia bright
Shall lead the council, steadfast, strong, and true.
Margaret
Please no, my lady, I fear the task.
Isabella
You, my stewardess will take the lead,
And silence any voice that dares oppose.
Ensure we forge ahead, with steady speed,
And see our plans fulfilled, fail you must not.
[Exeunt]
Scene III: Beelzebub Servant Quarters
[Enter Robin and Dickon]
Robin
Hail, comrade Dickon, how goes it?
Dickon
A heavy heart I bear, my friend, a fearsome thought.
Sir Ralph, perchance, hath underestimated
The skills of Agnes and Elizabeth, cunning maids they be.
A watchful eye we must keep on this affair.
Robin
But Sir Ralph did say that when the King Ed’s domain
Is sold to be an inn, our woes would cease,
And peace would reign within this great house,
The House of Beelzebub, our future bright.
Dickon
Good friend Robin, your mind is confused.
He spoke not thus, no such dire decree.
’Twas but a rumour, idle, unsubstantiated,
He bid us listen, should their words resound,
And bring such tidings back to him should they multiply.
Robin
Ne’er mind that, our fellow servants misled and blind,
Believe that fanciful tale. And cling to it with such might.
Dickon
Aye well, but woes more pressing claim our sight.
There is news of a council, a gathering of masters and more,
Invited are Elizabeth and Agnes, calculating and keen,
To plot their course, a dangerous band.
We must be vigilant, my friend, beware,
For treachery lurks, a shadow in the air.
Robin
What news of William, that man of devious mind?
Dickon
Hush, hush, I pray thee, speak not of his name.
A hateful wretch, a villain, dark and deep.
Yet, mark my words, he’ll join the gathering throng,
We must also attend to guard our interests,
And shield ’Zebub from dangers most profound.
Robin
But Sir Ralph did command us most clearly,
That guild membership was not needed for our care.
A family bond, he claimed, a sacred tie,
Would safeguard us all in this great house.
Dickon
I have fearsome thought, of danger unforeseen,
Sir Ralph’s misjudged this treacherous scene.
We must unite, a force both strong and bold,
And join the guild, our purpose to unfold.
Despite Elizabeth, Agnes and the other one,
We’ll safeguard Beelzebub, it will never be gone.
A chance to close King Edward’s hated door,
A chance to triumph, forevermore.
[Exeunt]
Scene IV: The Council Chamber
[Enter Lady Isabella, Sir Ralph and Sir Jasper]
Lady Isabella
Good sirs, I thank ye for your time today.
I bring more news of the council, carefully planned,
By Margaret and Alicia, my excellent team,
That will shape our future, our great plan,
This merger of houses, our bold, audacious scheme.
Sir Ralph
A noble endeavour, yet I harbour doubt,
Can women, forsooth, on such matters lead?
Methinks the servants, sly and cunning knaves,
Might outsmart them both, and weave designs of their own.
Lady Isabella
Fear not, Sir Ralph, their schemes will not prevail.
Margaret and Alicia, a formidable pair,
Shall quell any uprising, with a steady hand.
Now, Jasper, good sir, what news do you bring from King Ed’s?
Sir Jasper
At Edward’s royal hall, we play by rule.
That rogue, young William, though a menace, still
Shall grace the gathering, joined by Agnes fair
And wise Elizabeth. Their guiding hands
Shall curb his wildness, temper his rash tongue.
Elizabeth, a font of knowledge deep,
Hath summoned counsel, learned and keen of mind,
To school the trio, lest their folly burst.
Thus, William’ cannons, loose and poorly controlled,
Will be stilled by wisdom’s steady, guiding hand.
Sir Ralph
A discordant sound, methinks, this scheme doth yield.
Our plots are best when servants know naught else.
And prithee, tell me, whence this sudden wealth,
That they can summon counsel, learned and wise?
Sir Jasper
’Tis said the servants’ guild, a noble band,
Doth offer counsel, wise and free of charge.
Sir Ralph
It is a risky gamble, a dangerous game,
So Robin and Dickon, to the guild must return,
And join the council, bolstering our ranks.
A dicey venture, yet necessity
Demands we swell the crowd with friendly eyes,
Should strangers dare to tread our hallowed halls.
Lady Isabella
Now, good sirs, let us descend to detail.
Fair Margaret assures us she can weather storms,
And should she falter, wise Alicia waits.
The merger’s fate, and plans to join our houses,
Shall be the topic, a harmonious dawn.
But the guild shall also learn of Alicia’s stern decree,
A culling of the staff, a bitter choice.
For those servants who must leave our care.
Sir Jasper
Where shall this gathering take place, pray tell?
Young William warns of plague, a lurking threat.
He cites the law, a distance must be kept,
Seventy-two inches, a prescribed space.
If such a crowd assembles, we must find
A room of ample size, a cavernous hall.
Sir Ralph
Beelzebub’s own great hall, a spacious place,
With windows wide, to let fresh air in,
And roaring fires, to chase out the winter’s chill.
I’m sure fair Isabella will consent
To such a gathering, a warm and welcome sight.
Sir Jasper
A prudent question, lady. To sell this merger,
A neutral ground might seem a wiser choice?
Perhaps you rent a tavern, or a public hall,
Where neither side can claim a home-field edge.
Lady Isabella
Alas, Sir Jasper, funds are sorely strained.
Beelzebub’s great hall, it must suffice.
I’ll bide my time, awaiting news of triumph.
Support fair Margaret and wise Alicia,
And guard your servants, lest they learn our true scheme.
The King Edward’s household in darkness must remain.
Sir Jasper
But fair lady, King Edward’s house is a beacon bright.
Lady Isabella
If you desire to serve me still,
Within the new Single House in Town,
Then guard this secret, shroud it from the light.
Sir Ralph
Why name it so, my lady? Pray explain.
Lady Isabella
Lord Dudley, our neighbour wise, did coin the phrase,
A fitting title, so he claimed.
For a mere five ducats, I bought the name,
My own ideas, alas, had reached their end.
Sir Jasper
A prudent choice, I’m sure, my lady fair.
Isabella
Thank you, sirs. Now prepare your servants, for the task ahead,
This crucial council, where our fates will be read.
For any failure, you shall bear the blame,
A heavy burden, a shameful, tainted name.
[Exeunt]
Scene V: The Park
[Enter Sir Ralph and Sir Jasper]
Sir Jasper
Why summon me to this secluded spot,
My friend? A question worthy of thy ear.
Sir Ralph
Another secret pact, this one between ourselves must stay confined.
We must not be overheard. From the trees let’s move away,
Beneath no leaves, so prying ears can’t hear our schemes.
Sir Jasper
A scheme, you say? About the ladies’ plans, another secret we must keep?
Sir Ralph
We seek the manor’s good, a noble aim,
Yet doubt assails me, as to Margaret’s might,
And Alicia’s strength, to rule the servants’ hearts.
Such gentle souls may falter, face to face
A firmer hand, a sterner, wiser guide must steer this ship,
The servants of your Edward house, a cunning crew,
Will rage and rebel, when the truth is viewed.
Sir Jasper
Your servants too, my friend, have caught the drift,
A notion false, that King Edward’s house shall cease.
A misconception, a dangerous myth.
The lady’s plan is to Beelzebub likewise end.
The new single house, though on your land it may arise,
Shall be a blend, a harmony of both.
Sir Ralph
Your words my friend are wise, I’m sure.
Now I have yet more plans, secrets I must share.
I contemplate a better course, to seize
The reins of power, to steer this troubled ship.
This daunting task, I’ll shoulder, brave and bold.
Sir Jasper
A daring notion, Sir Ralph, to seize those reins.
But we are masters, lords of our Houses.
Who might lead ’Zebub, and keep it to hand
If you should you abandon it, a vacant throne.
Sir Ralph
Sir Hugh, they say, is ready to assist,
A willing hand, at any hour of need.
Sir Jasper
Pray no! My servants whisper of his temper, fierce and wild,
A clash with Lord Dudley, swords were drawn they say,
A brawl that echoed through the Dudley’s servants’ halls.
Such a man, I fear, would ill-befit
Our lady’s manor, where peace should ever reign.
Sir Ralph
A cunning plan, I have. King Ed’s will welcome Sir Hugh,
A knave, perhaps, but eager to assist.
He’ll learn the ropes, beneath your watchful eye,
Until the time arrives for him to rise.
Then, when the reins are mine, he’ll be master of ’Zebub.
Sir Jasper
Nay, pray thee, Sir Ralph, not so.
Sir Ralph
Fear not, for he shall stay but briefly with thee,
A fleeting guest, constrained by circumstance.
He knows full well, that he must play his part,
A model servant, humble and discreet.
Hast thou a better plan, dear Jasper, pray?
Sir Jasper
No plans I have, Sir Ralph, so then let us heed your word,
And welcome Sir Hugh, a necessary evil.
Sir Ralph
No time for doubt, no room for fear,
The die is cast, the future’s near.
A bold endeavour, a daring plight,
To seize the day and claim the night.
[Exeunt]
Act III
Scene I: Beelzebub Great Hall
[Enter Margaret, Sir Ralph, Sir Jasper, Miss Bridget, Elizabeth, William, Agnes, the Counsel, Dickon and Robin]
Margaret
A warm welcome to all, true friends and kin,
Gathered here at ’Zebub, beneath our Lady Isabella’s roof.
We have matters of import to discuss,
But first, a stranger, new to our domain.
Fair lady, pray introduce yourself to us.
Counsel
Wise counsel I am, and instructed by the guild
To offer words of wisdom to your servants here
A guide to aid them in this troubled time.
The matters you discuss, of grave import,
May cast a shadow on their future lives.
Margaret
Surely no need for counsel! We are as one, a true family here.
William
An abusive family, methinks.
Margaret
Silence! I command, let order be restored.
I chair this meeting, and my word is law.
The merger’s sealed, a union long desired.
The two houses, united, shall become
The new single house, with a new noble name.
The older children, scholars wise and young,
Shall learn their lessons at Beelzebub’s place,
While younger minds, in tender years, shall thrive
Within the other house, a place of youth.
Counsel
Hath this grand scheme been costed to the hilt?
Are there accounts, to show the hidden cost?
For surely, building works will be required,
To shape these houses for their future roles.
Margaret
I need no costs, no figures to behold.
My cousin, a builder, skilled and true,
Will undertake the task, for little fee.
Counsel
Such favouritism, a shameful sight,
A crooked path, a corrupting blight.
How could you countenance such treachery,
A stain upon this so-called family?
Margaret
Our ancient ways, a bygone era’s creed,
Have served us well in our familiar place.
Counsel
Served ye all well, or maybe just served thee?
But now, redundancies, loom, a troubling sight,
Hast thou adhered to practices prescribed,
And shared thy plans with the guild, as law demands?
The code of practice requires your plans are set out,
A transparent process, beyond compare.
Margaret
We’ve chosen a better path, a daring course,
Our own scheme we devised, surpassing the law.
Counsel
Pray tell.
Margaret
We’ll purge the staff, by our ruthless decree,
But grant them kitchen scraps, a crumb of mercy’s grace.
Counsel
Your despicable plans, a reckless, lawless affair,
Will surely spark a workers’ uprising.
The guild, emboldened by the law’s strong arm,
May down their tools, and at the gates protest.
Whose twisted mind did conceive this foolish scheme?
Margaret
’Twas not my notion, ‘twas from Alica fair.
[Enter Alicia]
Alicia
Good day to you all, fear not and despair not.
All shall be well; I can say to you all.
Write down your questions, your doubts, your fears,
I’ll take them away and ponder them at ease.
Counsel
Yet more questions linger, doubts remain.
Hast thou the King’s consent, a royal seal?
His ancestor’s name, a hallowed sight,
Adorns King Ed’s House, a legacy of yore.
His word must be required, I confidently claim.
Alicia
The King’s consent is yet a distant dream,
Yet direst need may sway his royal mind.
Our coffers empty, our future bleak,
He will surely relent whatever his true will.
[Exit Margaret]
Counsel
And what of merging, the facilities combined?
No longer will two be needed, a wasteful excess.
Alicia
No plan I have yet, ‘tis a task for future days,
A note upon my list, a future phase.
Counsel
What hast thou wrought, thus far? Any gains at all?
My question is serious because I sense naught.
The new name alone, a hollow, empty sound,
But a barren yield and a future uncertain I see.
[Sudden loud sounds of a tree being struck by an axe with much shouting]
Alicia
Forsooth, thou must desist.
What horrid sound disturbs this hallowed place?
Outside the open window, does a soul doth die?
[Exit Sir Ralph in a fit of anger, noise of the axe continues]
[Re-enter Margaret]
Margaret
Such cacophony, such discordant din.
Adjourn we must, this council is now done.
Fair Alicia, answer the counsel’s plea,
By written word, at some more peaceful time.
This session ends, the gavel falls, farewell.
[Exit Sir Jasper, Miss Bridget, Elizabeth, Williiam, Agnes, the Counsel, Dickon and Robin]
[Noise of the axe stops]
[Re-enter Sir Ralph]
Margaret
What ghastly sound was that?
It shattered our repose and disturbed our peace,
In this ’Zebub House of thine?
Sir Ralph
The gardener, a reckless, hasty soul,
With his axe, many forceful blows,
He hath felled the great tree, that stood since ancient times,
Claiming your orders, a dubious decree.
Margaret
I recall no such command, a puzzling plight,
Yet this disruption, perhaps, was timely sent.
Adieu, farewell, ’til we meet once more.
[Exit Margaret and Alicia]
Sir Ralph
A dire predicament, a sorry sight,
Our ladies floundered, lost in the night.
The servants’ counsel, a cunning, wily foe,
Had pushed them to the brink, a dreadful blow.
This is no task for women, frail and weak,
A man’s domain, and the leadership I will keep.
I shall assume control forthwith, the burden bear,
A leader’s role, a challenge to dare.
I’ll face the servants, quell their discontent,
A firm hand’s guidance, a stern intent.
And to our Lady, I shall convey the truth,
A tale of chaos, a bitter, painful ruth.
I’ll plead my case, with urgency and might,
To claim the mantle, and seize the light.
A supreme master, a ruler, strong and bold,
To shape the future, a story yet untold.
[Exit Sir Ralph]
Scene II: The Council Chamber
[Enter Lady Isabella]
Lady Isabella
A dire report, a troubling scene,
Sir Ralph’s tale, a mournful, mournful theme.
The servant’s counsel, a cunning, wily foe,
Outshone even Elizabeth, a humbling blow.
More militant than William, a fearsome sight,
A dangerous adversary, a dreadful plight.
Margaret’s schemes, a futile, desperate plea,
A failed attempt, a tragic decree.
A bleak future, a haunting, fearful doubt,
Our plans in peril, a bitter, mournful shout.
[Enter Sir Ralph]
Sir Ralph
How now, fair lady, thank you for your grace,
To grant me, your humble servant audience.
Within your manor, on this blessed day.
Lady Isabella
Alas, Sir Ralph, the tidings thou sent were dire and grim,
From Beelzebub’s abode, they do sorely wound.
What stratagem, what cunning, can I weave,
To wrest the reins of fortune from the guild’s grasp?
Sir Ralph
If ’tis thy will, fair lady, let me seize
The helm of this grand scheme, so bold and bright.
Such lofty plans require a steadfast mind,
A man’s keen wit, not woman’s tender heart.
Thy Project Leader, thy Chief Master, I,
Shall quell all dissent, all murmur and all doubt.
Within Beelzebub’s domain, strict order reigns,
Each servant knows his place, his humble lot.
But Jasper’s servants have grown too bold,
Defying duty, breaking nature’s laws.
A heavy hand, a firm and iron grip,
Must force them back to toil, their rightful task.
Lady Isabella
More there is, a legal letter I received.
From the servants’ council, threats dark and deep,
A ballot will be cast, a workers’ revolt there will be.
The children, precious ones, must then be removed,
A day, or two, or three, then perhaps longer still.
Can we weather this tempest, this servant’s storm?
’Tis a dreadful law and it shackles our plans.
Sir Ralph
Fear not, fair lady, let thy heart be calm.
My servants, loyal, steadfast, true of heart,
Shall never yield to such a base demand.
And as Chief Master, I shall ensure that Jasper’s crowd
Are also kept in check, their insolence subdued.
Lady Isabella
Thy dual role would be a weighty, daunting task,
Shouldst thou be named Chief Master, traversing
’Twixt both our houses, how then shall Beelzebub
Remain in order, governed and controlled?
Sir Ralph
Sir Hugh, a worthy man, can be here today,
A steadfast soul, he brooks no servant’s slight.
Lady Isabella
Not Sir Hugh, after that scandalous fight.
He certainly brooks no insolence, not even from lords.
His former post, cut short by sudden strife,
When swords were drawn with Dudley, a scandalous affair.
His tempestuous spirit doth darken night,
He is a man unfit, he causes despair.
Sir Ralph
He’d ne’er dare draw his sword in your lady’s manor,
With me your Chief Master watching his each move.
I’ll keep him on a leash, a tighter hold
Than any servant, bound to my command.
I’ll tempt him, promise him another task of might,
To sift through Jasper’s men, to pick the best,
And transplant them to Beelzebub when all is done.
Lady Isabella
And good Sir Jasper?
Sir Ralph
Let Jasper go, I say, to pastures new,
A manor better suited to his simple soul.
And Bridget too, the flautist, so far from her depth,
Unable to control even the youngest child in her charge.
Lady Isabella
This noble task is yours, a weighty, daunting plight,
To lead the charge and reclaim the darkest night.
You shall proceed with purpose and with speed,
Chief master of all, to shape the future, most important indeed.
[Exeunt]
Scene III: Sir Edmund’s Country House
[Enter Sir Edmund and Elizabeth]
Sir Edmund
Elizabeth, my thanks for heeding my call.
How fares the House of Edward in these darkest of days?
Elizabeth
Many shadows hang, a dimming of our light,
Since thou didst leave, our glory dimmed and waned.
Fewer the noble scions seek our door,
A chilling fear grips me, the house may fall.
Isabella’s plans, obscure and veiled in doubt,
A valuation made, a hint of sale.
Sir Jasper, ever hopeful, sees no threat,
But I, alas, foresee a darker fate.
Sir Edmund
A darker plot unfolds, a wicked scheme,
To rob us of our heritage, our pride.
My cousin in London town shall spread the word,
A cry for justice, echoing far and wide.
Shame shall befall the traitors, one and all,
Who dare dishonour Edward’s noble house.
But silence now, until the moment strikes,
When we shall strike and claim our rightful due.
Elizabeth
Secret news have I too, the servants’ bold revolt,
We will halt our labour and bring the house to heel.
A chance to right the wrongs, restore the balance,
We could work with you together, a partnership to forge.
With a united front, a powerful, forceful plea,
The future will be bright for everyone at King Ed’s.
Sir Edmund
To wrest the house from Isabella’s hold,
And restore its glory, lost and old,
Such is my aim, a noble, righteous quest.
Is that what you also seek.
Elizabeth
I yearn to see the servants’ rights increased,
A voice within the councils of the great,
Informed and heard, a partner in the cause.
A fairer wage, a just and equitable share,
A partnership forged, a bond of trust and hope.
Sir Edmund
Those are lofty goals, I must confess,
Yet prudence dictates my silence, secrecy.
A master’s role demands a distant stance.
A servant’s lot, a humble circumstance.
Perhaps increased effort, diligence, and toil,
Might earn the trust, the favour they desire.
Elizabeth
Some servants, ’tis true, could slog with far greater zeal,
Less idle chatter, more productive work.
If effort matched complaint, a fruitful yield
Might bless their labour and reward their toil.
Sir Edmund
Wise words, fair maid. Go well, and may you bring
Fresh tidings soon from the servants’ restless minds.
[Exit Elizabeth]
Sir Edmund
A worthy goal, a desperate, final stand.
To quell Isabella’s schemes, a daring ploy,
A servant’s revolt, a risky, bold employ.
To London’s halls, I’ll carry this dark tale,
A cry for justice, that shall surely prevail.
[Exit Sir Edmund]
Scene IV: King Edward’s Garden
[Enter Agnes]
Agnes
A servant’s lot, a weary, endless round,
Six hours of toil, the morning’s dreary bound.
Six more to follow, till the day is done,
A weary task beneath the setting sun.
Nor respite granted, even at noon’s sweet hour,
Extra duties there are, to watch the children play,
’Tis a ceaseless vigil, day by day.
[Enter Elizabeth and William]
Elizabeth
Agnes, fair maid, we sought thee everywhere.
Why dost thou linger without, weary and forlorn,
In this garden wild, with young charges even wilder?
Agnes
Miss Bridget, thoughtless, bids me watch her brood,
A thankless task, a burden, heavy load.
The boys, unruly, squabble and contend,
The girls, incessant, tattling without end.
A firmer hand that Bridget’s they need, one stern and strong,
But we servants are powerless, and our ideas are ignored.
William
Thou shouldst not be here, fair Agnes, nay.
A break is thine, a right, a sacred pause.
Does Bridget pay thee more for this extra toil?
Agnes
Thy mirthful jest, a humorously framed deceit.
No extra wage, no recompense is paid.
That family bond, a noble, pious guise,
The servants’ burden, a thankless, endless task,
William
Unpaid labour, a heavy, unjust load,
Surplus value[7] gained, from our exhausted blood.
A selfish act, a cruel, unjust decree,
An exploited workforce, a tragedy.
Elizabeth
William speaks truth, a bitter, painful truth.
But hope remains, a glimmer in the night.
A letter from the guild, a fateful sign,
The ballot was sound, the majority secure.
My whistle’s simple blast can now call servants from their toil.
To strike or not to strike? We three here must decide.
A glimmer of hope, a chance to break free,
A worker’s revolt, a destiny.
A secret alliance, a powerful plea,
To claim our rights and set our spirits free.
Agnes
What of Dickon and Robin, joined recently into our ranks?
Democracy’s spirit, a guiding light,
Demands their voices, a righteous right.
William
They’ll heed the call and bend the knee,
Democracy’s spirit, a fragile, fleeting sight,
Must be controlled, its power carefully bestowed.
Elizabeth
Our ballot grants the power we require.
No further votes are needed, yet I yearn
To speak with thee, dear friends, both tried and true,
Ere I do sound the final, fateful call.
I tread with caution, for I fear that some
May cling to toil, especially those at ’Zebub.
The guild has vowed to compensate for wages lost,
but Sir Ralph has filled their minds with fearsome tales.
Agnes
I think my tidings may dispel their doubt.
Elizabeth
What tidings are these?
Agnes
Sir Ralph, ’tis said, shall lead the project’s course,
And claim the title of Chief Master’s role,
Replacing Margaret and Alicia’s reign.
Elizabeth
I am not shocked, for that grand council’s end
Was truly a fiasco. Yet, I doubt
Such matters stir the servants’ hearts with care.
Agnes
More yet! Sir Hugh shall fill the empty ’Zebub seat.
William
Not Hugh the intemperate? Dudley’s servants say
He withheld wages, even for slight mistakes,
And punished with cruelty, striking fear
Throughout the household. I cannot believe
Even Isabella would be so unwise.
Agnes
Lady Isabella’s associate, that blustering fool, confessed the truth.
His judgment’s clouded by desire.
A simple flirt, a flutter of my lash,
And the Lady’s secrets are free, no care has he.
Himself he cannot help, the beans are spilled across the floor,
Such a foolish act, a mess he cannot clear.
Elizabeth
This news shall surely stir the hearts of those
Within Beelzebub’s domain, and drive them
To join our cause, to right the servants’ wrongs.
Ensure these tidings reach them tonight.
A powerful message, a hope renewed,
To inspire the servants, a brotherhood.
A day of rest, a respite, sweet and deep,
To gather our strength, and our spirits to keep.
[Elizabeth blows her whistle]
[Exeunt]
Act IV
Scene I: The Drawing Room
[Enter Lady Isabella, Margaret and Alicia]
Lady Isabella
What news is this that reaches my alarmed ears?
The servants gone, not a soul in sight,
Not even those bewitched by Ralph’s dark spell.
The noble children absent, our Houses forlorn.
Complaints now flood my mail, a bitter tide,
From parents wronged, whose funds we’ve squandered.
Margaret
We share your sorrow, noble lady, true,
But power’s no longer ours, alas, to wield.
Alicia
Sir Ralph, in his arrogance, has claimed the title
Of Chief Master and Supreme Leader of this grand,
Ill-fated project. We, mere shadows, watch its fall.
Would your good lady summon him, demand his presence,
To answer for the chaos that he has wrought.
Lady Isabella
No, his false promises have lost their worth,
And I cannot endure his hollow words.
Yet still, the servants must resume their tasks.
How can we coax them back to duty’s call?
Alicia
I suggest, good lady, that you send
For Elizabeth, the keeper of the whistle.
Lady Isabella
Very well. Mere words will not suffice, I fear.
Elizabeth is cunning, sharp of mind.
We’ll need a cunning plan, a written pact,
Generous in its promises, yet miserly
In its intent. Your counsel, I implore,
To craft this treacherous, deceitful scheme.
Margaret [To the wings]
Send for Elizabeth
Alicia
I’ll craft a promise, generous and grand,
To my desk I shall directly go.
[Exit Alicia]
[Enter Elizabeth from the other wing]
Elizabeth
You called, my Lady. How might I assist you this fine day?
Lady Isabella
Elizabeth, my dear, a crisis is nigh.
The servants have abandoned their appointed tasks,
Leaving our household in a state of chaos.
We need your wisdom and your guiding hand
To coax them back to duty, to restore order to our houses.
Elizabeth
A daunting task, fair lady, ’tis, I fear.
The servants yearn for respite from their plight,
Their daily toil, a burden dark and drear.
Today’s wages covered by the guild, the tavern they have found.
Now William stirs the crowd with tales of strife,
Of class divide and battles long and fierce.
He has their ears, foreseeing future strife,
This conflict’s end is hard to foresee.
Lady Isabella
What price must be paid to lure them back?
A promise fair, or coin to sooth their discontent.
Elizabeth
First, a new pact[8] must bind you to the guild,
To heed our counsel when new policy is writ.
Then promise just reward, a bounty yield,
Fair wages paid, and benefits befit.
If ’tis a family, as Sir Ralph doth claim,
Then let it thrive, a happy, peaceful sight.
And bar Sir Hugh from power, a tainted name,
Whose temper fierce fills even William with affright.
Lady Isabella
From whence this speculation, this idle, baseless fear,
That I would seek Sir Hugh’s contentious aid?
Elizabeth
You see the bean shoots sprouting from the floor,
Fair lady? Yet, no more shall I reveal.
With me, all secrets safe, forevermore.
Lady Isabella
’Tis strange indeed, a rumour, false and fleet,
That Sir Hugh should darken this manor’s fair name.
A plot unfounded, a slanderous lie.
Elizabeth
Such joyful news, indeed, a welcome sight.
Now, tell me, lady, is an agreement made?
Margaret
Alicia returns with words inscribed,
Let us await her, patient and well-primed,
To hear the tale her parchment does enfold.
[Re-enter Alicia]
Alicia
The good Lady Isabella and servant Elizabeth, fair,
May I now read this draft, a solemn sight,
A binding pact, sealed, understood,
Between the manor, King Ed’s and ’Zebub,
And the guild’s claim, a just and rightful plea.
Lady Isabella
Proceed, I say.
Alicia [Reading]
A proclamation to be heard by all.
Henceforth, the servants’ guild shall have a voice
in every matter pertaining to their employ.
Their wages shall be raised, exceeding those
of the servants in the common houses of this land.
And each week, guild representatives shall be granted leave
to attend to their members’ needs,
without loss of pay. A just reward, for vital work.
Lady Isabella
Is such largesse truly warranted?
A question lingers, a doubt, a seed,
Of whether such expense can be sustained.
Alicia
I fear that whatever prevails, these funds must be procured.
Elizabeth
I must first acquire the guild’s consent,
A democratic foundation, all equal are we.
Majority approval is needed to seal this deal.
Lady Isabella
Very well, now will the servants return to their toils this very hour?
Elizabeth
Methinks the servants, swayed by Bacchus’s might,
Have quaffed too deeply of the grape this morn.
Tomorrow’s dawn you shall see their weary feet,
But alert I remain. With our ballot secure, my whistle I can blow yet more.
Lady Isabella
What sayest thou, Margaret?
Margaret
No better plan I have, my lady fair.
Lady Isabella
Very well. May morrow’s dawn be kinder than today’s.
[Exeunt]
Scene II: Beelzebub Master’s Office
[Enter Sir Ralph, Sir Jasper and Miss Bridget]
Sir Ralph
Now that we, the masters, hold the reins,
All shall be well. Our minds, more keen and bright,
Surpass the women’s wit. We grasp the knowledge
To see this plan to its desired end.
Miss Bridget
But I too am a woman.
Sir Ralph
’Twas not to you I spoke.
Should you not tend the babes, your rightful charge?
Depart, and let us men attend our tasks,
To further our designs and yours as well.
Miss Bridget
But, good sir, the babes are absent this same day.
The houses hushed, no servants toil at all.
Instead, to the tavern they have made their way,
To drink their fill of wine, as you must know.
Sir Ralph
As Master Chief, far greater thoughts engage
My mind than servants’ endless, whining ’plaint.
Jasper shall be my foil to test my thoughts.
Good day to you, fair Bridget.
[Exit Miss Bridget]
Sir Jasper
I thank thee for thy resolute resolve, my friend.
I sought to dissuade her from joining us here,
Yet still she pressed, her mind a stubborn thing.
Sir Ralph
Verily, Jasper, thou needest to teach your women well,
To mind their tasks and stay within their bounds,
Lest they usurp your rule. Now, we alone,
May turn our minds to matters of greatest weight.
Sir Jasper
Aye, Sir Ralph, let us begin.
Great choices must be made, the buildings new
For Beelzebub’s House, to shelter us all.
No delay must occur. We’ll find a builder
More skilled than Margaret’s cousin, ever slow
And given to shoddy work, though cheap he be.
Sir Ralph
In time, dear Jasper. First, we must address
The important trivialities, vital they all be.
A badge new-forged, and grand signs for the gatehouse,
And schemes of colour, chosen with great care.
If we attend to trifles, great things will surely follow.
But first a new-built office, where my thoughts will soar,
And scribes to capture them, before they fade.
And Sir Hugh’s coming, needing guidance clear.
My days will be full, with tasks both great and small.
Sir Jasper
Your wisdom shines, my friend, a guiding light,
To steer our course through these tumultuous times.
But hark! Who knocks upon your office door?
[Enter Alicia]
Alicia
Good day to you both, Sir Ralph and Sir Jasper.
Sir Ralph
I did not summon thee. What brings thou here,
To this, the House of Beelzebub?
Alicia
I have tidings of great joy for you both, unexpected perhaps.
Lady Isabella’s edict, a surprise,
Yet welcome news, the guild’s agreement made.
The servants’ voices will be heard, and their wages made just.
Then the Houses, in harmony, can thrive.
Sir Ralph
What heresy is this, that infects my ears?
Who dares to make such blasphemous decree?
Alicia
Not I, good sir, and I am a servant here no more.
My project management skills have caught a scholar’s eye.
A post at the university awaits, remunerated well.
I came to bid farewell, and wish you good fortune,
For luck you’ll certainly need in such absence of skill.
[Exit Alicia]
Sir Jasper
’Twas welcome news, indeed. With Alicia gone,
Only Margaret remains to thwart our plans.
Sir Ralph
Art thou so dull of wit.
A poisoned chalice she has left us to drink.
A riddle darkens, comedy or tragedy?
A reckoning approaches, a fateful hour.
When next we face Isabella, we must claim
Full authority, as masters, to rectify
This chaos and declare my rightful reign.
[Exeunt]
Scene III: The Drawing Room
[Enter Lady Isabella and Margaret]
Margaret
My lady, Alicia is gone, forsooth.
Her things vanished, and a message left.
[reads]
Farewell, Lady Isabella. Fear not for me.
I left ere chaos reigned, before the storm.
And claimed my due, a generous severance,
From the treasury as I made my exit.
Seek not to reclaim what now is mine.
Thy choice to elevate Sir Ralph released
My bonds. And by the terms of policy I wrote
With my own hand, what now is mine will be forever mine.
Thy former assistant stewardess, Alicia.
Lady Isabella
What course to take, now Alicia’s fled,
Sir Ralph distracts himself, and Sir Jasper drones.
The servants revel, blissfully unaware
Of doom approaching, as the lenders come.
They’ll seize our wealth and leave us destitute.
Thanks heavens you remain, a solace in this storm.
Margaret
My lady, I must confess, with deepest shame,
I bear a burden, heavy on my soul.
For I, in part, have brought these troubled times.
Therefore, I resign, and leave your service,
With a heavy heart, but perhaps relieved to be free.
Farewell, my lady, may better days arise.
[Exit Margaret]
Lady Isabella
A double blow, a crushing, heavy weight,
The ladies fled, a sorrowful, tragic fate.
A manor shrouded, in darkness, deep and wide,
A future bleak, a hopeless, mournful tide.
Sir Ralph’s grand words, a hollow, empty sound,
No magic wand, to turn despair around.
A mountain of debt, a crushing, heavy load,
A financial ruin, a dreadful, tragic road.
The papers’ scorn, a public, cruel display,
A tarnished reputation, a shameful, dark day.
A desperate situation, a hopeless, dire plight,
A crumbling empire, lost in the night.
A fateful meeting, a grim, unwelcome sight,
To break the news and face the darkest hour.
A heavy burden, a solitary plight,
To bear the weight, alone, without power.
[Exit]
Scene IV: Sir Edmund’s Country House
[Enter Sir Edmund]
Sir Edmund
A tale of woe, a mournful, tragic sight,
Isabella’s despair, a darkened, hopeless night.
Her reckless spending, a foolish, wasteful spree,
A squandered fortune, a tragedy.
A bloated payroll, a wasteful, needless spend,
A lack of productivity, a bitter end.
A master’s folly, a foolish, empty dream,
A broken promise, a shattered, mournful scheme.
A cousin’s greed, a thieving, selfish hand,
A stolen fortune, across the land.
A stagnant workforce, a lack of drive and zeal,
A wasted potential, a bitter, painful deal.
A house in decline, a fading, ghostly sight,
A future uncertain, a fearful, darkened night.
A simpler time, a bygone, golden age,
When masters toiled, and turned the page.
A new dawn breaks, a hope, a brighter day,
A chance to rebuild and mend the fray.
A wise counsel I will be, a most steady hand,
To save the manor, the houses and the land.
’Tis a bold endeavour, a risky, daring plight,
To restore King Ed’s from the darkest night.
[Exit]
Scene V: King Edward’s Servant Quarters
[Enter William, Elizabeth and Agnes]
William
I regret that we did not strike for evermore,
And break all talks, leaving negotiations in disarray.
A fitting punishment, for those who claim to be our lords,
And freedom from eternal toil, for us.
Agnes
And never earn a wage again, most likely.
William
Bah! Isabella must hear the servants’ cry,
A chorus strong, united, clear, and loud.
She must heed our demands, in full, or face
The consequences of her stubborn pride.
Elizabeth
Our terms were met, a treaty signed by both
Her ladyship and the guild, a fair accord.
We could not argue, and bound by this decree,
Return to work we must, our duty to fulfil.
William
We couldn’t picket, at the gates, alas. They said that
Plague’s dark shadow, hung still above our heads.
Instead, we sat, alone, upon our own roofs,
A protest feeble, pitiful, and weak.
Agnes
Yet during plague, ’twas you who solemnly decreed,
No closer than six feet, a strict command.
You did not think to rescind your own instruction.
Hark! A messenger approaches, at the door.
I’ll see what tidings this visitor may bear.
[Exit Agnes]
William
’Twas a rule for work, not for protest,
And in fresh air we could surely all stand
Shoulder to shoulder and block the gate.
Elizabeth
The rules you made, applied to everything the same,
Work or protest, the plague does not discern.
William
But now we stand closer now than six English feet.
Elizabeth
Though close we be, our guild’s repute is not at stake.
We could not picket, as we’d hoped to do,
Yet from the rooftops, our voices did arise,
A chorus heard, though faint and indistinct.
But in the end, our goals were realised,
Our victory, hard-won, and sweetest to taste.
[Re-enter Agnes]
Elizabeth [continues]
Henceforth, the guild shall be consulted,
On all matters of employment, great and small.
Agnes
Consulted or instructed? The messenger ferried a stark decree,
Isabella summons us, a meeting called,
Tomorrow morn, at her manor, we must be,
Important news, she claims, of grave import.
A sense of dread, a foreboding in the air,
What tricks she’ll play, what new demands she’ll make,
Only time will tell, but fear grips my soul,
A fateful meeting, for our futures’ sake.
[Exeunt]
Act V
Scene I: The Drawing Room
[Enter Lady Isabella (and then) Sir Edmund]
Lady Isabella
Good day, good Sir Edmund. What brings you here?
I did not summon you, Sir. Pray explain.
Sir Edmund
Once more I serve, my lady, at your door,
Uninvited yes but wise I say and timely, nonetheless.
I bring a strategy, a delicious plan,
To save the House of Edward, and perchance,
The House of Beelzebub, if such you also wish.
Verily, too many wages have been paid to idle hands,
A drain upon your wealth, a needless cost.
Lady Isabella
Continue, good sir, for I am bereft of my own counsel.
Sir Edmund
Where are Margaret and Alicia?
Lady Isabella
Gone they are, Margaret and Alicia, both fled,
With packages in hand, before the storm,
The money lenders, now knocking at the gate.
They blamed my choice, to elevate Sir Ralph with new titles grand,
But ’twere selfish acts, to save their own skins.
Sir Edmund
My lady, your foresight, uncanny, it seems,
Has mirrored my own plan, a clever scheme.
The first step taken, to pension off those two,
A necessary cut, to trim the fat.
Now call the masters, and the servants too,
For further cuts are needed, a bitter pill but true.
Lady Isabella
That part of your plan too is already conceived,
A meeting I have called, and for this very morn.
The masters I will gather, and the servants too,
To be given their orders, a grim scene, it’s true.
I will tell then, to seize what they can claim,
And flee this manor, to escape the flame.
Sir Edmund
Cease this dark talk, a futile, hopeless plea.
Forgive my boldness, lady, but I claim
A chance to save this manor, ’tis not doomed to fall.
The next stage of plan requires those who are useful to stay and toil.
Do let me advise you once more, I can give you one final chance.
Lady Isabella
Very well, Sir Edmund. What is your next stage.
Sir Edmund
Call in your people, to your meeting, but let me guide your words.
Lady Isabella [to the wing]
I summon now, the masters and the guild,
To gather here, without delay, this very hour.
[Enter Sir Ralph]
Sir Ralph
Good lady, my great thanks for meeting me, so soon.
But why gather the others, I cannot discern.
Do you require, I dismiss them, one by one?
Useless they are, a burden, a heavy sin.
I’d gladly oblige, with haste and with care.
Ah, Sir Edmund, greetings, a pleasure to see you after so long.
What brings you here, today, pray tell.
Sir Edmund
My mission will be very clear, to purge the excess.
Sir Ralph
Splendid indeed. Let us begin together.
Who shall we purge first, from this place of despair?
[Enter Sir Jasper, Miss Bridget, Elizabeth, William, Agnes, Dickon and Robin]
Lady Isabella
Good day to all. Sir Edmund’s here to guide,
To save our manor and restore its pride.
Attend his words, with care and heed his plea,
For in his plan, our future may be free.
Sir Edmund
Sir Ralph, Sir Jasper, and Miss Bridget, listen ye three,
New tasks for you all and new roles, crystal clear.
Your skills, your talents, long unknown and unseen,
Will finally be used, and real purpose you might even find.
Sir Ralph, you shall depart this wretched place,
A calling higher than even Chief Master awaits.
Visit other houses, observe and instruct,
An inspector’s life, your new role to discern.
The reward I offer is better than coin,
A life of meaning, of greater worth.
Sir Jasper, return to the college where masters are trained,
Living examples they need, both of skill and of lack.
Which role you’ll play, I’m sure you have the wisdom to discern.
Sir Jasper
Thank you, good sir, I will use my wisdom as you say.
Sir Edmund
And now, fair Bridget, thy gifts, a hoard concealed,
A treasure surely wasted on the young.
Seize thou thy flute, and hence, away, away!
Others await, who might prize thy melody.
Fare thee well, all three! No longer toil within these walls
A brighter future gleams in places elsewhere.
[Exeunt Sir Ralph, Sir Jasper and Miss Bridget]
Lady Isabella
But who shall run my Houses and tend to the young,
In the absence of their masters, greater or lesser?
Sir Edmund
That, my lady, I shall reveal in due time.
Now fair Elizabeth, a task of great import,
Awaits your skill, your diligence, your heart.
Elizabeth
What do you suggest, Sir Edmund?
Sir Edmund
I shall reveal your task, but first, I must address
Your colleagues. Servants, hear me, lend an ear.
You are fortunate, indeed, to have Elizabeth among you.
She is wise and capable, your leader she will be,
To drive this manor to a brighter light.
Assured me she has that ye all can slog with far greater zeal.
Elizabeth [interjects]
Good sir!?
Sir Edmund
I’ve also heard it said, and very wisely put, that
With less idle chatter, and more productive work.
If effort matched complaint, a fruitful yield
Might bless your labour and reward your toil.
William
Who would dare such slanderous, vile deceit,
To stain the honour of our comrade class?
Elizabeth
A mystery, indeed, a riddle dark and deep.
Sir Edmund
Who spake those words, my mind can no longer recall,
But follow Elizabeth’s example and better days you will find.
With diligence and skill, you’ll reach new heights,
And prove your worth, beyond all doubts and fears.
Agnes
At least, Sir Jasper’s lectures, dull and long,
And Miss Bridget’s music, ever shrill and wrong,
Shall cease to vex us, henceforth, evermore.
[Exeunt Elizabeth, William and Agnes]
Dickon
What tasks do you assign to Robin and to me?
Sir Edmund
Together, thou and Robin, shall command
The Beelzebub, a household of your own.
A happy family, united, hand in hand,
A future bright, a destiny well-known.
Elizabeth, a mind both sharp and keen,
Shall offer counsel, for wise thoughts are rare
Within the walls of ’Zebub. So, forth, and be thyselves,
Two leaders born, of limited affair.
And Isabella, with her artful hand,
Shall craft for ye great badges and important new hats,
And expand your stature, mark you out, two figures grand,
A lordly presence, known across the land.
Robin
We thank you, good sir, for your kind regard,
For seeing our needs, a noble reward.
[Exeunt Dickon and Robin]
Sir Edmund
Now, Isabella, a new era dawns,
A time of peace, a respite from the strife.
The houses, left to their own ways, their laws,
Shall thrive and prosper, a renewed life.
Elizabeth, a steady hand, shall guide
King Edward’s realm, a watchful, knowing eye.
She holds the measure of young William’s pride,
And he, in turn, her weaknesses he doth espy.
And Agnes, freed from folly’s cruellest yoke,
Shall bloom and flourish, her true talent shine.
No more the blundering masters, stiff and broke,
To dim her light, a most unjust design.
And in Beelzebub, a different game is played,
A battle for the biggest hat, a curious sight,
A symbol of dominion, fiercely swayed,
A contest for supremacy, day and night.
Lady Isabella
But what of the usurers, those harpies, those fiends,
Who preyed on us when we were weak, without mercy or care?
Sir Edmund
Fear not, my lady, for those who drained your purse,
Those idle hands, those hearts devoid of care,
Are banished now, their foolish schemes, accursed.
A brighter future now dawns, beyond compare.
No more the lenders, with their greedy eyes,
Shall plague your house or drain your precious store.
A time of plenty, a most sweet surprise,
Your debts repaid, forevermore.
No mergers now, no lands to sell or trade,
The House of Edward, strong and proud shall stand,
A legacy of honour, nobly made,
A beacon bright, across the fertile land.
Lady Isabella
And what of Beelzebub, that curious place?
Sir Edmund
I care less for Beelzebub, but ’tis a necessary evil,
A refuge for the schemers, the disgraced.
’Zebub shields King Ed’s from trouble, doubt, and strife,
A space it provides for those who lead unedifying lives.
Lady Isabella
Methinks, good sir, I’ve heard such schemes and lies,
Even from those who serve King Edward’s House.
Sir Edmund
Nay, noble lady, such deceit is pure,
A righteous act, a necessary lure.
The ends doth justify the means, a maxim tried,
A noble cause, a sanctified guide.
Lady Isabella
They are most glorious ends, a wondrous view,
A triumph for the good, forever true.
May Edward’s House and Beelzebub endure,
Prosperous and strong, forevermore secure.
[Exeunt]
Acknowledgements
This play was written purely for recreation, but I have some thanks to record.
First, I’d like to acknowledge Kerry and Francis, to whom this work is dedicated. Thank you for being such good trade union comrades through thick and thin. No matter how absurd the situation we faced, it was always easier to laugh when there were three of us.
I’d also like to thank the many other colleagues with whom I’ve worked during my teaching career. This play is fiction, but the inspiration didn’t come to me in a dream. If any of you recognise anything of yourselves in any of the characters, I hope you’ll forgive me for injecting my own fools and villains into them.
Endnotes
[1] A recent pandemic that confined the people to their own homes and closed places of education.
[2] A collective body that protects the rights of individual members.
[3] King Edwards and Beelzebub Houses educate children for a fee. The common houses are financed from the public purse.
[4] The agreement between an employer and the members of the guild that recognises the guild for certain collective bargaining purposes.
[5] Elizabeth has a wider organising role for the guild.
[6] For swimming and exercise.
[7] In Marxist economics, ‘surplus value’ is the value that workers create beyond the cost of production, which is then claimed as profit by the capitalist.
[8] A recognition agreement with more rights for the guild than the earlier agreement.
Debbie Hayton is a teacher and journalist.
Her book, Transsexual Apostate – My Journey Back to Reality is published by Forum
Debbie Hayton 